To sleep or not to sleep...

If you were stranded on a deserted island, with no prior baby knowledge, and you had a baby, what would you do? Would you instinctively know to lay your baby down somewhere away from you, by themselves, and let them cry until they fell asleep? I doubt it. Would you try to find something for them to eat other then the breast milk that naturally came from you? I don’t think so either. I do realize that there are something’s with this scenario that I do not practice. For instance, if I had my baby on the deserted island, I would not have the luxury of an epidural for her birth. However, my point is that a lot of parenting techniques are not the natural and instinctive way of doing things. Take for instance animals; have you ever seen a dog let their puppy cry it out? Or feed them with a bottle instead of their milk? If you have, please let me know… that is interesting. Please don’t get me wrong, I do not follow a completely “natural” way of life. I have a TV, Clover plays with toys that most certainly would not be made out of materials found on a deserted island, and I let her use a pacifier. However, the two most basic elements of a baby – eating and sleeping – are where I like to practice the “natural way”.

Since Clover was born, we have had what a lot of people would call “sleeping problems”. She would not sleep anywhere but in mine or Dustin’s arms. If you laid her down, she woke up. Sometimes she slept in a swing. We “struggled” with this until she was six weeks old. Then she would sleep in a bassinet next to me for short periods of time. She would not take a nap anywhere but with me, and in her car seat if we went somewhere. Then she got to be too big for her bassinet. With her past “sleep problems”, night wakings, and with my attachment to her, we decided it would be best to put her crib next to our bed. This was the closest thing to co-sleeping I could think of without actually putting her in our bed. From four months up until recently, she would sleep for about three hours and then wake up. As soon as one of us picked her up, she would lay her head on our shoulder and go back to sleep; obviously not hungry, but needing comfort and closeness instead. We would rock her for about 20-30 minutes and then lay her down again. Only to have her either wake up immediately or wake up shortly after. We would pick her up, and she would go right back to sleep. Stumped, I tried everything I could think of (except the most obvious, which I will get to). I thought maybe she was actually hungry but too tired to fully wake up. So I tried feeding her when she woke up. Sometimes, she would go back to sleep for two hours, sometimes she would wake right back up - therefore, there was no clear indicator that she was waking up because she was hungry. We tried Tylenol throughout the night, thinking she was in teething pain. Nothing. We tried giving her different comfort items. We tried rocking her again after the second time waking up, laying her down, then rocking her again when she woke up, then laying her down… the only thing THIS accomplished was a shitty nights sleep for Clover and no sleep for us. So we ended up taking turns holding her all night. As you can imagine, we all were feeling a little flustered. After tons of research and lots of advice (none of which I was completely satisfied with). I decided to go against my better judgment and let her “cry it out” one nap time. I’m sure all moms’ who have done this before can relate. It was TERRIBLE. I let her cry for 30 minutes. By the end, she had swollen eyes, a swollen face, hiccups and we both felt like crap. I know other Mom’s have said that you have to do this for about a week for it to be effective. But my gut instinct told me it wasn’t right for me or for Clover. Dustin and I had a serious conversation, and contrary to what others might think, HE disagreed with the crying it out method more then I did. We both feel (and it’s a good thing we agree) that it is not about us. So we don’t sleep for the first couple years of her life? Big deal. At least we are there for her when she needs us. And at least we are the type of parents that we want to be for her, instead of the ones that other people think we should be. WE are her parents. WE are the only ones that make the parenting decisions regarding her. So, it was our choice. That is when we discovered the answer… This is big, so wait for it…. We let her sleep in the bed. (I know, everyone who doesn’t agree with this is gasping right now!) But guess what else… we all sleep! She’s comfortable, I feel better with her next to me, and we all sleep! I’m still a little hesitant to let her sleep in the bed, only because she is not past the SIDS age, and I am petrified of SIDS. However, it’s the only way she stays asleep. Last night, after she was sound asleep, I put her in her crib (which is pushed up next to the other side of the bed so she can’t fall out of the bed) and prayed that God would please show me what to do. I asked that He would give me a clear answer if we were supposed to keep “struggling” with getting her to sleep in her crib, or if we should let her sleep in our bed. I told Him that I would do whatever He thought was right and whatever was best for Clover…and she woke up ten minutes later. Who am I to argue?

My Resume

Name: Jill
Occupation: Clover’s Mom
Since: November 2008

Related Experience:

Waiting Tables 2000-2008:
I learned how to deal with different types of people and situations. I also learned to multitask and how to carry the most things in one hand at the same time. I worked long hours, got minimal sleep, and then did it all over again.

Babysitting 1993-2007:
Gave me a good sense of understanding when it came to children. I learned how to change a diaper, how to distract an oncoming temper tantrum, how to let a child “cry it out”. I also learned how to make anything into a game and at the drop of a hat, the standing “Mom Rock” and how to make macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs.

Life guarding 2002-2006:
I learned how to yell “NO RUNNING” and “NO DIVING IN THE SHALLOW END!” I also learned how to watch multiple children at once, while trying to get a tan, and daydreaming all at the same time. I also learned how to perform CPR and how to put a band aid on. I also learned that life guarding is actually a glorified babysitting job, and when I have my own children and don’t know what to do with them on a hot summer day, I take them to the pool and work on my tan while the lifeguard (that I don’t have to pay) watches my children for me.

Qualifications:

1. I can do just about anything one handed. Including (and not limited to) going to the bathroom, getting dressed, making a meal, typing on my laptop, laundry, dishes, vacuuming, putting on makeup, paying bills, balancing the check book, eating, making phone calls, cleaning the house and carrying a diaper bag, toy bag and high chair cover at the same time.
2. I can function on two hours of sleep and have done it more then one night in a row.
I am a germaphobe and will most likely have antibacterial wipes or hand sanitizer with me at all times.
3. I can change a diaper in the dark, with one hand, while still asleep and soothing a baby at the same time.
4. I can rock anyone to sleep.
5. I can make up a song about anything and sing it in different voices.
6. I have a tremendous amount of patience.
7. I know how to cope with one boob a size C and one a size DD. I also learned how to stuff the side that is a size C to make it look somewhat like a D.
8. I can be completely selfless.


The Mom I THOUGHT I Would Be vs. The Mom I am Now:

Thought: My child would always sleep in their crib and in their own room. At all times.
Actuality: For the first six weeks of her life, Clover would only sleep on mine or my husband’s chest. I practice “attachment parenting” during the day where majority of the time I hold her while she naps. Until six months, Clover slept in a bassinet next to our bed. Now, she sleeps in her crib, which is also in our room, right next to our bed.

Thought: I would give my child “normal” food (i.e. hot dogs and macaroni), sugar and fast-food for a quick meal.
Actuality: I am choosing not to let her eat sugar until she is much older, I will not feed her hot dogs and macaroni and cheese will be a rarity. I prefer to feed her fruits and vegetables, whole wheat grains, and when she is older, organic meat if possible. I will not let her have “fast-food” or junk food.

Thought: I would breastfeed and supplement with formula. I did not think about how long I would, but I thought it was weird when people still breastfed their child past a year.
Actuality: Clover is exclusively breastfed, I have no intentions of supplementing with formula, I am a big breastfeeding advocate and I am planning on breastfeeding Clover until she is at least eighteen months old (and longer if she is not showing signs of weaning).

Thought: I would let me child “cry it out”. Duh, it’s how they learn to self-soothe.
Actuality: I do not think “crying it out” is necessary until they are older. I have found research (which I will post later) that indicates when a child cries (at a young age), that they are still learning to trust you. They are learning that when they cry and when they need you, you will be there.

I am me!

My name is Jill. I am a 26 year old mother of one. I feel like my purpose in life is to be a mother. I am very creative. I am an idea person, and have new ones everyday. Someday I will invent something. I am married to a man that makes me laugh, makes me feel secure, loves me for me and who I can be completely myself around – and it feels wonderful. I tend to say what I am thinking and have learned to sensor myself when talking to strangers. I will not sensor myself in this blog. I will talk about my boobs; they are very interesting. I genuinely love life.